I have
somewhat broached the topic of equality in our home and family before, but in
honor of Martin Luther King Jr., today seems like a good time to do it
again. MLK Jr. devoted his life to the
pursuit of a dream of equality, and I don’t think he meant just between blacks
and whites. I believe he understood the
significance of that problem at the time, and appropriately took on racism by
the horns. I do feel that a man of his
faith and with a heart so big strived for equality amongst all differences,
including those with special needs. King
preached equality, and encouraged others to take a stand for it. On April 16, 1963, King wrote a letter from
where he was jailed in Birmingham, Alabama.
He said, “We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the
hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of
the good people. Shallow understanding
from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding
from people of ill will.” What good are we doing if we disagree with inequality for our
differently-abled children, but do little to change it?
And really,
who is the disabled one? Our daughters whose bones and bodies are weak and
twisted, yet they don’t seem to notice, or the woman whose body is filled and
covered with so many unnatural substances in a poor attempt to cover her flaws. Who is more disabled, our daughters whose
spirits can’t be broken, whose souls are seemingly perfect, who knows their
limitations but stop at nothing to overcome them anyway, or the woman who will never
feel like her body is pretty enough or her brain is wise enough? Our daughters,
whose drive and determination is what has kept them alive much longer than the
wisest physicians predicted, or the woman who knows she can do something, but
finds excuses to explain why she shouldn’t.
Who of those two is the most crippled in this world?
Everyone
understands kindness. Everyone
understands indifference. Everyone
understands the opposite of those things as well. Those are the languages we all speak, even the ones who can’t say a
word. As parents of special needs
children, we are equipped to understand them in a way that no one else can, and
to feel their hurt or happiness when they’re not able to show it to those
around them. This means it’s also our
job to continually fight for their equality.
When you know your special child can’t easily understand a cartoon on
T.V., let them watch it with their siblings anyway…because the other children
will see her watching…trying…and it will make it easier for them to accept that
she is capable of doing things like
they are. It will break the mold and
they’ll carry it into adulthood and teach it to their own children. It’s our responsibility to always show others
just how equal they really are. What an
awesome lesson to teach, and even better to learn!
I have
to admit though that I’m as guilty of it as anyone else, and there are still so
many bad habits I’m trying to break. As
sad as it has made me, I’ve tried to put myself in Ava’s place several
times. I’ve thought about what it must
feel like to be a brilliant soul trapped in a broken body. I’ve wondered how her heart must burst into a
million pieces when she hears me talking with physicians about what to expect
of her life, or when she watches me cry after months of unsuccessfully trying
to get her to do something new…something that to the rest of us seems so easy.
I wonder if in my own selfishness, I’ve ever hurt her spirit when I slip
up and she sees my reaction to her circumstances, yet she knows she is smart enough to do it, smart enough
to tell me so, and determined enough to prove it. Her body just won’t allow her to. Again I ask, compare your own selves to a
special needs person and then ask yourself who of the two is truly the most
crippled. When I did that, it completely
changed my own self esteem and once again made me feel forever grateful and
indebted to the lesson my daughter is teaching me. We live in a society that explains the
disabled as weak and needy, but the special needs children in our lives don’t
need us for much more than to share love with, so let’s make a promise to teach
others to fulfill their duty of love, too.
Martin
Luther King Jr. had a dream that one day all children would play equally
amongst one another. I vow to make sure
that happens. How about you?
